Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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