I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
