we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
