You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
