you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
