thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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