I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
