You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
