Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
