Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
