I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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