sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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