Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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