Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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