it hurts more in the daytime
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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