A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
