Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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