guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
