Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
