I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
