She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
