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barbara walters just said penis...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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