After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
