We named our party play list daddy issues
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
