in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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