just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
