He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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