i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
