chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
