Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.

Fav 10 1497 3126
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(708): View more from Illinois

this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick

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(810): View more from Michigan

Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.

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(206): View more from Washington

I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2

Fav 9 1575 811
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(312): View more from Illinois

It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.

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(515): View more from Iowa

He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.

Fav 0 114 8
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