why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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