Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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