I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
