You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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