my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
