Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
