Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
