So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
