I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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