Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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