Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
