Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Girls should come with a carfax report
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
