I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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