Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize