1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
