i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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