Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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