Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
