I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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