how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
