I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize