Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
