I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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