I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
