lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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