Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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