at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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