I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
