I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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