Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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