Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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