That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
