went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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