I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
