I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
