Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
