Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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