I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
