And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
