im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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