I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
