remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
