Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
